Living with Grief

I hung up the phone excited about the opportunity stemming from that call, when suddenly I felt a wave of loneliness and sadness roll over me. What in the world? It was Friday afternoon. I’d just finished my last scheduled call/Zoom. I’d had an amazing week of great things happening, one right after another, and here I was suddenly on the verge of tears….

Then it struck me as the tears slid down my face, I’d experienced so many highs this week, but here I was alone in my home. I didn’t have Scotty to share them with. He was always my first call, my first thought, whenever something wonderful happened. Because whatever it was that occurred, wasn’t just my win, my accomplishment, or my celebration, it was ours. He had truly been my life partner…and he wasn’t here anymore….I cried my eyes out. My first big cry in months.

Grief is a strange thing. I’ve decided I’m not going to “get over” my grief. I’m not even trying. I’m going to move forward with it. Every time I think I’m good, that I’m in a good place mentally so grief must be behind me, a new trigger occurs. So, it’s not about putting it behind me. It’s about acknowledging to myself that I’m ok. That’s it’s ok to have these seemingly contradictory feelings of excitement, even joy, and sadness all at the same time.

During this challenging time many of us are grieving if not for lost ones, then for lost life experiences or lost physical contact. It’s important to know that we aren’t really alone. There are people who care about us and want to support us. We need to let them. What did I do? I called a friend and told her I was feeling lonely, and she invited me over for a socially distant backyard dinner.