Today I Choose to be Happy

It’s been three months since I wrote my last blog post about my husband passing away.  I’ve been grieving.  I’ve experienced many strong emotions: disbelief, profound sadness, loneliness, depression, etc…  I couldn’t sleep, found it hard to concentrate on work and lost the energy and motivation to workout.  I just hurt so much.

Time helps.  Many people told me that it just takes time and that I should be patient with myself.  They were right.  Today I’m doing better.  Time passed, and my head cleared enough to remember that I have a choice and I can choose to be happy.  

Recently I started a daily routine.   I wake up each morning and remind myself of all my blessings, the 30+ years I had with Scotty, the beautiful family we created together, the life and friendships we’ve built…  I remind myself that he is still with me.   After my mental process, I say out loud, “Today I choose to be happy”, and I get out of bed.

I fill my days with a combination of work and time with friends.  I seek out activities that can bring me joy.

Now I have more good nights than bad nights.  I’m going to the gym again and I’m spending time with family and friends.  They are giving me their energy.  I still have many sad moments, and I still cry.  My grieving isn’t over.  But I’m ready.  I’m ready to re-engage.  I’m ready to be happy...again.

We can't always control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond, and I choose to be happy.